Empathy vs Self-Centeredness.
Empathy is walking in another’s shoes to understand and share the feelings of others.
Self-centeredness occurs when you believe you’re empathetic, but in reality, you judge others based on your perspective rather than understanding theirs.
Compassion vs Self-Serving
Compassion includes an action motivated by an empathetic understanding of another’s distress.
Self-serving is when you decide what the other person needs, thinking you know best.
Example:
You see a young man pushing a wheelchair, preparing to get into his car.
You quickly run over and grab this wheelchair to help him because, damn, he needs all the help he can get.
It does not go well. He tells you to let go of his chair.
You are confused, “I just want to help.”
“You are not helping! I get in and out of my car every day. I don’t need help. And when you grab my chair, I get off balance and can fall.”
“Well, I was just trying to help.”
“If you really wanted to help, you could have watched and noticed that I actually do know what I am doing. You could have asked me if I needed help. You should not have touched my chair.”
“My chair is my legs. Would you grab an able-bodied stranger’s legs for any reason?”
You storm away. You did not listen to anything the man said. You think he is rude and ungrateful.
Replay: With Empathy and Compassion
You notice a young man in a wheelchair pushing a wheelchair, preparing to get into his car.
You think, “Wow, I can’t imagine how he will get himself and the chair into the car. Wonder where his caregiver is.”
Then you watch. He jumps from the chair into the car seat. “Whoa,” you think, “I’ve never seen that before.”
The man flips the chair onto the car door, removes one wheel, and puts it behind the passenger seat. Then he flips the chair, removes the other wheel, and puts it behind the passenger seat. Then he pulls the rest of the chair across his chest into the passenger seat.
You are shocked! “That guy has got to be pretty darn strong!” you think.
You walk over to the car. His window is down.
“Hey, dude, that was pretty impressive! I never saw anyone get a wheelchair into a car like that before.”
“I have been doing this for 10 years; I don’t even think about it anymore.”
“My name is Sam. Nice to meet you! You are pretty strong.”
“I’m Jeff. I use my arms daily for hours, pushing my body weight around. I used to be really skinny; now I have arms like a weight lifter,” he laughs. “I’ll see you around.”